Sunday, December 29, 2013

Emotion is Fine, but I Will Not Rely

~Emotion is Fine, but I Will Not Rely~

Sort it out on your sleeve.
Press on and die.
Patience and waiting.
Emotion means nothing without ones sleeve.

Take one step and do not look back.
Mind like a child innocent, and loud.
Take one step forward and do not look back.
Your sleeve will come with you, emotion soft and quiet.

Sort it out on your sleeve.
Press on and die.
Better to be yourself with emotion than a fake with it all.
Emotion is but one way to be who you are.

One, two, three let me be me.
Four, five, six walk in the wood's where the sticks will click.
Seven, eight, nine emotions are mostly fickle and that can be fine.

For...

I will sort it out on my sleeve.
I will press on and die being me.
I will have patience and wait while I pray.
I will be emotional but will not lean on me.

Press on and die.
Be true to yourself.
And believe what you believe.
For oneself can be it all, even when you fall.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Contrast and Understanding

  “Sometimes it takes a good fall to really know where you stand”

                                                                      ~ Hayley Williams


~Contrast and Understanding~

I fall down and then I fall down even deeper.
Slanted and deceptive, a snake creeping and slithering to the end.
I fall down and fall again.

Covered by the crowd and what they believe is true.
They tell me jump to the left.
But I feel like jumping to the right.
I fall down and then I fall down even deeper.
Ignoring the righteous and hurting the lamb.
I fall down and fall again.

Engulfed by the waves and hurling towards the deep.
They tell me to take the bait.
But I feel like taking my crown.

Contrast and understanding.
Black and white.
Slipping to the left, slipping to the right.
I fall down and the take my crown.

As I drown a hand comes.
As I am covered a hand reaches.
Why is it that sometimes I do not grasp on?
I fall down and then I fall even deeper.
If I grab the savior I will rise back up.
But then so many times I fall down and fall again.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Past My Soul

"I have long stopped asking why the mad do mad things."
~Constance(AHS)


~Past My Soul~

Sometimes I look at my life and wonder where do I belong?
I look past the narrow and take heart that I am not running alongside the broad.
Sometimes I look at the paths I have chosen and think, "Is it a path at all?"
Feeling insecure and thinking of a fold out map, feeling secure and reading my GPS.

Sometimes it looks as though it hurts to set aside dreams.
Sometimes it looks as though it feels good to take on struggles.

Love makes me reevaluate my life.
Love takes chances on me that I would not take on myself.
Love takes me and breaks me and makes me whole again.

Sometimes I look at my life and wonder where do I belong?
I look past my soul to find what more there is to learn.
Sometimes I look at more than what meets the eye.
Transforming my attitudes into actions suited for a better man than me.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

How Deep and How Wide is Love?

"Did you know this house is falling apart, what can I say this house is falling apart? We got no money, but e got heart. We're going to rattle this ghost town!"
 ~Walk the Moon


~How Deep and How Wide is Love?~


The gap is closing.
The opportunity is falling all around me.
My chance at redemption is slipping through my fingers.
My courage is wavering and my resolve is weakening.

"Today is my day." I said.
Then the day came and the day went.
I was told to go, to jump, and to land.
I was told I could move a mountain.

"This week is my week." I said.
Then the week came and the week went.
I told myself that I would make up for not seizing the other day.
I told myself I could do it my way.

I was thinking that my strength was enough.
I was thinking that by my hands I could be healed.
I was thinking I would rely in myself with skyscraper faith..
I was thinking about doing something better.

The gap closed.
The opportunity fell around me.
My chance at redemption slipped through my fingers.
My courage wavered and my resolve died.

Perspective and reliance comes from hindsight.
Looking back and seeing the failures of a child.
Looking back and remembering how I came into being in the first place.
Perspective is a mirror that can see what should have been.
How deep and how wide is the love?
I should of found out.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

When I was Young


You think you know me so well. You think I’d purchase what you sell, pickled in your private hell. I will scream and I will yell. ~Max Bemis (Say Anything)

~When I was Young~

When I was young the world was so large. 
Every flower was new.
Every smell filled my lungs with joy. 
God was one prayer away.
And his love was mostly shown through the prayers of loved ones. 

Day by day I lived carelessly knowing I was safe from harm.
To be so young,
To feel as I did would be a wonderful thing to feel again.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

My Cheesy Video Game Poem



Shigeru Miyamoto
“Video games are bad for you? That's what they said about rock n' roll.”
― Shigeru Miyamoto

~My Cheesy Video Game Poem~

Environments fly past me with unrivaled force.
Desserts, oceans, and forests take me away from reality and into worlds I could otherwise not be part of.
Virtual worlds and virtual emotion shine light on things I could never fully explore.
And I even can rescue a Princess when I am bored.

When  a movie does not satisfy, or a book not interactive enough,
I let my mind dive into the space of polygons and shaders that make a beautiful face.
If I want power I play with my mouse and keys, if I want to lay down and relax a controller is in my hands.
Power does not make a game good, but the how the game is played.

Environments fly past me with unrivaled force.
While the big three fight and snarl,
I enjoy all three as well as my PC.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

I Dropped a Pin One Day

"Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty."
- Mother Teresa



~I Dropped a Pin One Day~

I dropped a pin one day.
The next day I picked it up.
It was a single drop of a single object.
Because of this I picked it up.
That was the day a soul fell apart.
The next day I helped pick it up.
It was a single person with a single soul.
Because of this I picked it up.

I dropped two pins one day.
The next day I picked them up.
It was two drops of two objects.
Because of this I picked them up.
That was the day two souls fell apart.
The next day I helped pick them up.
It was  two people with two souls.
Because of this I picked them up.

This pattern went on and on.
The pins would fall.
I would pick them up.
Souls would fall apart.
I would pick them up.
Until the souls no longer fell and the pins no longer dropped.
The pins the souls they stopped dropping at the number 33.

I dropped a pin one day.
The next day I did not pick it up.
It was a single drop of a single object.
Because of this I did not pick it up.
That was the day I fell apart.
The next day no one picked me up.
Because of this no more pins would drop.
Because of this those around fell apart. 

The next city over Lacie dropped a pin.
That same day she picked it up.
Maybe she wont fall one day?





Tuesday, July 2, 2013

The Carnival

I wrote this one awhile ago while going through a rough time.
It turns out you were into yourself. It turns out you could f**k your way out. Just once more for my baby girl. ~Lydia


~The Carnival

Enter for the chance to win a prize.
The prize today is a broken heart, but tomorrow the prize is misery.
Sweet candy and caramel corn the carnival is in full swing.
Entering into madame Clarice's she tells me to sit down and play her little game.
"Enter for the chance to win a prize my dear. The prize today is a broken heart, but tomorrow the prize is misery.
If you feel like leaving you cannot you must play and you will always win."

A week later the carnival was still sweet and it was still swinging.
Another victim comes into the game, and this victim is still me after last weeks life changing day.
She looked me in the eye and said,
"Welcome my dear. Wont you sit down and play?
Enter for the chance to win a prize.
The prize for today is a bitter day, but tomorrow the prize is no more day.
Come in and play my little game.
Once you enter you must stay.
You will play my little game.
You will play and you will win.
Thank God you came today."

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Trouble Finds Me



~Trouble Finds Me~

Trouble finds its way into the depths of my soul.
It devours my line of sight.
It takes out my defenses and forces me to go underground.
Concepts of fear and loathing defends my right to make mistakes.
Concepts of hope and strength declare my right to fight on.

Trouble finds its way into the depth of my soil.
It roots and grows until it blossoms into dreams that I somehow always burn. 
It grows into weeds and sometimes the weeds are more beautiful than the flower.
Concepts of fear and loathing defends my right to an honorable death.
Concepts of hope and strength declare my right to live with strength.

We are not the high and mighty.
We are not the Lords of our worlds.
We are not kings and queens.
For our God made himself small.
For our God made a way for me to no longer live for myself.
We are the sons and daughters.
We are the children of the high and mighty.
We are the children of the Lord of our worlds.
We are the children of the King.
Trouble finds its way into the depths of me.
Fear, loathing, hope, and strength.
Living, dying, mistakes, and the fight.

All of it makes up us.
All of it makes up this thing called life.


Friday, June 21, 2013

For My Grandpa

~Lamenting the Mourning~

This high and low seems to be the same thing.
When it belongs to another the other belongs to me.
Hearing the sounds that make up life and the unity of the heart, and making up words to describe it, makes life worth living.
The high and low makes my heart belong to another and hopefully the other will oblige.
When it belongs to another the other belongs to me.
Forward and backwards are one and the same. dichotomy becomes the same and the same becomes separate.
This high and low seems to be the same thing.
This high and low defines character and it defines the tear that falls when it dies.
Lamenting the terrible, lamenting the happy, lamenting the feeling of lamentations.
Mourning is the same as living and living is not to bad.
When living belongs to another, mourning belongs to me.
Take out the heart and put it on your sleeve every once and awhile.
You will be glad you did.
This high is no longer a high and this low is no longer a low.
The two become a singular entity that binds my mind to my heart and my soul to the One.
Thanks for the lamenting and the mourning.
I hope this is not another, for when it is another the other belongs to me. 

Monday, April 29, 2013

~I Have No Idea What to Do~


"So you tried to put a fire out but you used gasoline. And when the congregation  gathered round You're screaming "it wasn't me." So there's a sickness that is going round
but no one's got a vaccine. I think it drowned in holy water I think it's time we all come   clean.
I swear it's like dying to catch a ghost.
It feels like I'm trying to hold smoke. " 
  ~Brand New
 


~I Have No Idea What to Do~
 
I have no idea what to do.
I have no clue where to go.
I am an old abandoned church where the preacher continues to spew his bile.
The doctrine was never true and now I am looking for another way through.
 
I have no idea where to go.
I have no clue what to do.
My heart is heavy and my stomach is butterflies.
I am a lost soul that takes a breath just to sing everyday.
 
I have no idea where to go, or what to do.
I have ideas and thoughts but none of them lead to the desired conclusion.
I am leaving and I wish I was staying.
I want to leave but then I have the need to go back. 
 
I just want an answer, even though I have grown comfortable in confusion.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Until the Lights Go Out(Ramblings of the Confused)


~Until the Lights Go Out(Ramblings of the Confused)~

"The Atlantic was born today and I'll tell you how... The clouds above opened up and let it out.I was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere When the water filled every hole. And thousands upon thousands made an ocean, Making islands where no island should go. Oh no." ~Death Cab for Cutie

Is it possible to disagree with the plea from someone who calls for help?

Is it at all possible to love when nothing else seems to show any inkling of good behavior?

Is it at all possible that the crap this world comes up with is a ruse that gets people sucked in and the next stop is a trip to Hell?

Let it all begin with the second talks and the first thoughts of every enemy known. 

To take down the boss and then take down its many forms until it flashes red and is then never known. 

Is it possible to end up alone when somebody is on the phone?

Or lay down your life for another after they end up liking some one better?

Is it at all possible that this life is nothing but a drop dead gorgeous woman flaunting her curves for all to see... and in the end it is beautiful until that bullet murders me?

Or is this life conquered by blood sweat and tears?

Where hard work is what is needed and it then casts out all of my fears. 

Long live the death of solitude and trust.

Long live the dust that covers my heavy heart.

No longer dead, but alive inside this dream.

The dream of all that is done and all that is laid before me.

It is possible to decide if I am good or not?

Is it possible to shake off this sin and cast all my lots?

To trust in no one but trust in trust alone.

Till the time has come and the lights go out, and we find out what this life has been all about. 

Saturday, March 9, 2013

I Wonder What Happened



"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional." 
Chili Davis 
~I Wonder What Happened?~

When I became an adult what happened?
Did I move away from joy and fun?
Did I linger on moments of past events?
Did I long to be young again?

What did I do?

When I learned that I was no longer a child what happened?
Did I go off the deep end and screw the first thing in a skirt?
 Did I love no more?
Did I hunt down my old self and scold him for what I a now?

What did I do?

Beautifully made, wonderfully made, targeted at birth for death.
When you become an adult does that pass away?
When you become an adult do old dreams die?
When you become an adult what matters? 

What did I do?

When I became an adult what happened?
When I learned that I was no longer a child what happened?
I guess the simple answer may shock some of our viewers.
It may make them run for cover, and wonder why I would do such a thing.

I did not lose my joy and fun.
I did not linger on the events of my past.
I did not wish to be young again.I did not screw the first skirt that I saw.
I did not lose love.
I did not hunt down my old self and scold him for what I am now.

What did I do?

I grew up. 

Monday, March 4, 2013

Too Bad Not for Me... Today


"The worst thing isn't a fear of commitment, the worst thing is being with the wrong person because of a fear of loneliness."
 ~Unknown

~Too Bad Not for Me... Today~ 

Everything  I am, and everything I have is all the same thing.
Everything I have, and everything I am makes sense inside of my head.
Everybody else who looks on in does not feel the same way.
Because everything I am, and everything I have is all the same to me and me alone. 


Loneliness is a fleeting emotion, and a held hand is a passing feeling.
Do the two coincide?
Maybe not, but in my head they are one in the same.
For everything that I am, is everything I am not, and everything I am is not everything that I have. 


I want to know the fears of everything that I fear.
I want to know all that is rummaging inside of my mind.
Everything that takes place happens for a reason.
Everything that takes place introduces me to the other side of the line. 


Everything I am, and everything I have is one in the same.
Everything I have and everything I am makes me believe more than what I can see.
The unknown is embraced, and the feeling set in to set fire to the city.
When a dark turn turns, my head sets in, and the inevitable death comes along.


For everything I am is up in the air, and the loneliness takes hold.
And the fear is setting in and fleeting less than I had feared.
Everything I am, and everything I have is all the same thing.
Everything I have, is damaged and broken waiting to be made new again.
Sometimes a held hand is all you need.
To bad not for me... today.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Times End

“I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now...Come further up, come further in!” C.S. Lewis

~Times End~

Can you feel the colors all around you floating in the wind at times end?
Can you feel the wind carrying your voice loudly across the blazing red sky?
Can you imagine what life is all about?
Can you imagine how all this will end?

At times end, the beginning will start.
At times end everything comes together and the color, the black, and the whites combine into an everlasting song.
Singing praises, and dancing dances in the street.
The storms are no more, and I am with the love of my life.

Can you feel the turmoil ending as we pass into times end?
Can you feel the sadness being washed away?
Can you imagine the nights in a world where stars are now imperfect?
Can you imagine how all this world will end?

At times end this world will pass away.
At times end perfection will no longer be a pipe dream.
At times end I will bow down.
At times end the new world will come, and all will be made new.

Right now we strive for the end, but sometimes we fail to live.
Live for now, and live for tomorrow.
Live your whole life as if it is on purpose.
Live to die, and live to glorify.
Live to be known, to show all those who don't believe how much you know.
Live to show them what you have.
Live and strive for times end.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Hang Your Head in Shame

1 John 3:4 
Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness; sin is lawlessness.



~Hang Your Head in Shame~

An overwhelming sense of style and class.
A loving exterior known to disrupt the mass. 
The religious men hang their heads in shame, while Mary-Lou is shouting out her lovers name. 

An overwhelming sense of embarrassment and fear.
While all the dancers, dance and leer. 
Mary-Lou snickers while her knickers fall before the world to see. 

Long investments that take away from style, just to make sure that you lay the day away.
This is the long end of the stick, and the short end of the rod.
This is what you use to prod. 

An overwhelming sense of class and fin ness with a loving exterior that can disrupt the masses.   
The religious men blush and cry, while the mistresses make them lie. 
Sin and punishment, a life taken after.
Screw and lay the day away, or rise above the world that offered you this fling? 

An overwhelming sense of style and class.
A loving exterior known to disrupt the mass.
The religious men hang their heads in shame, while Mary-Lou is shouting out her loves name. 

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Reality Bites

Everywhere we turn we see monsters.

“Sometimes human places, create inhuman monsters.”  
― Stephen KingThe Shining


~Reality Bites~


Vampires, zombies, and werewolves, oh, my!
Monsters have taken over the world. 
Succubi, witches, and ghost, oh no!
Monsters have taken over the world.
My monsters are much scarier than any of these.

Whether you fall in love with a monster, or if it is trying to eat you, my fears outweigh the aliens trying to abduct me.


Wraiths, dragons, and banshees, oh my!
Monsters have taken over the world.
Reapers, giant spiders, and ghouls, oh, no!
Monsters have taken over the world.
My personal monsters are much scarier than any of these. 

Whether you lay in a bed with them, or they try and lure you away from home, my demons outweigh any alien trying to abduct me.


My monsters, are the real monsters of the realm. 
My fears are the real fears.
My love stands stronger than anything in a book, or represented in a movie, or TV.
Hollywood reality is easier to trick you than you know.
My monsters are real.
My monsters are much scarier than any of these.



Monday, February 11, 2013

Blood and Snow

 This one is a little darker than the others I have posted thus far. I hope you like it. 

"I painted it black, I know how you don't like normal things."
~Tate Langdon (Portrayed by Evan Peters)


~Blood in the Snow~


Summer must be over because a cold set is moving in.
The sky is gray and the snow begins to fall.
A blanket sweeps over the land, and the peoples homes begin to warm from the fires going strong.
The mantles are lined with pictures of old.
Families begin to huddle while grandma tells them stories about her in the cold. 
Not all is well, however, not all is going as it was planned.
For the land with its white coat shows stains properly, unlike the dirt and the sand. 
Billy wronged Sue and his blood is now shown.
Sarah hurt Kenny.
Johnny killed Marah, and Joe did himself in, at the end. 
The ground no longer white, but painted red, while grandma tells her story to the family not knowing the pain of outside.
Summer must be over because the snow is falling harder.
It is trying to cover, the blood made.
Not by the fire, but by the liar.  
Grandma's story is finished, and all the kids go to bed.
But nobody knew that mommy and daddy were dead.
For mommy and daddy had a fight, and now daddy's blood is the brightest red in the land.
Small towns are nice in the summer, but then comes the winter, and the snow turns red and Hell is shown.
But not in the dirt or the sand, no, Hell is shown in the snow. 

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Man, Numbers, and God

"A God of redemption could break our routine."

~Switchfoot (Jon Foreman)

 

Man, Numbers, and God

Man versus the world.
Man versus God.
Man versus self.
Man versus everything else.


Number one is a losing battle.
Number two is a lost cause.
Number three is a failure from the start.
Number four is just sad.


Somehow even when every battle is lost men keep on pressing on.
Somehow even when every battle seems won it never is.
Somehow even when every battle ends without violence, blood is still there.
Somehow even when every battle finishes with life, death is always present.


Man is not worthy of such rewards.
Man is not worthy of strength.
Man is not worthy to prosper.
Man is not worthy  of God.


Number one for some reason we get rewards.
Number two we can have strength.
Number three how come we can still prosper?
Number four we are still able to find God.


Somehow we press on
Somehow we are loved
Somehow we have won
Somehow I know it was God

Friday, February 1, 2013

Fairy Tales and Truth

Acts 4:12

"Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.”

"What is missing in the church today? Willingness to sacrifice."
~Jeremy Rapp

Fairy Tales and Truth

Live your life as if the sacrifice is worth it.
Take the journey past the emerald city,and walk on the side of the yellow brick road.
A smoking caterpillar may be reality, but the truth of the matter is the smoke shrouds beauty.


Live your life as if it was on fire.
Burn, burn, burn all the troubles made by the White Witch who is casting a spell of false washing snow.
Set fire to the hearts of those gingerbread men who broke into pieces and need to be alive again.


Live life for the one who laid it all down for you.
Fairy tales may be fun, but their magic does not compare to the man that loved the whole world.
Stories are just stories , but God is the ultimate wizard, with the ultimate magic called love. 


The deeper magic made by Heaven and not by man.
Live your life like his sacrifice was worth it.

Friday, January 25, 2013

This Bug is Detrimental to My Helath


“The straight line, a respectable optical illusion which ruins many a man.” 
― Victor HugoLes Misérables


~This  Bug is Detrimental to My Health~

There is a stain in my head that is growing and thriving, I want to throw up.
The crazy people flooding my head need to make up their minds on how long this con will go on.
With a bug being placed in my head to kill and destroy all that is dead.
The crazy circus of illness needs to go away, or I may have a bad day.

I want to find a miracle.
I need to find a miracle the end is not the only way to go.
I will live to live again, and I will die to have a life filled with the end.
A seed has been planted the stalk has risen to the sky.
I climb and I climb to reach the other side.
But of course that sounds so cliche, but that is okay.

There`s a stain that is growing in my mind.
The stain is crimson and it is like lead.
The crazy people flooding my head need to make me sane, but I have already been washed to the sea.

Where am I? Who knows where I could be.
I think it would be better to contrive an answer that doesn't`t make sense than an answer that is logical, but detrimental to my health.
The bug,the bug in my head is a comfort even if I end up dead.
In the end I don't know where I've been, but I have a lie and I'm sticking to it.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Can I Cause my Heart to Splinter?

Where do I go from here?
Is it possible to last until tomorrow?
Can I look, and let go, or am I over my head?
Can I move along, and cause my heart to splinter,
until my breath is as ice, and I'll be with the love of my life?
Where do I go?

All my days have left me under the ground, and under the flood of my lakes.
Fire and water is a long way down, as I look below on the edge of the precipice.
I decide to jump and when I do, I don't know what to do...

Where  do I go from here?
Is it possible to last until tomorrow?
Can I look, and let go, or am I over my head?
Can I move along, and cause my heart to splinter,
until my breath is as ice, and I'll be with the love of my life?
Where do I go?
Is it possible to enter into the clouds, or underground into the world?
Can I move along, and cause my heart to splinter?
Where do I go?

I am falling faster and faster towards the ground, and I am trying to move.
I see the end of me, and the end of the way down, the way down to the ground below.
I jumped and when I did, I found out what I meant to do...

Where do I go from here?
I jumped with no way out.
Can I look, and let go, or am I landing on my head?
Can I move along, and cause my heart to splinter,
until my breath is hot as fire, and I'll find the love of my life?
Where do I go?
Is it possible to enter? Into the clouds, or underground or into the world?
Can I move along? Can I cause my heart to splinter?
Where do I go?

I fell and was caught, but was left on the ground, and now I am trying to move.
I see the sky up above, and I am at the end of the fall, the fall to the reality below.
I jumped and when I did, I found out what I meant to do...

Where do I go from here?
Is it possible to last until tomorrow?
Can I look, and let go, or am I over my head?
Can I move along? Can I cause my heart to splinter,
until my breath is as ice, and I'll be with the love of my life.
Where do I go?
Where do I go?

Friday, January 18, 2013

Hope this Finds You Well (The Status of Life)



I write a lot and have a lot of thoughts. I made this place to put out what I write. This is unedited poems/thoughts on life that I have. I hope you enjoy the way my mind works. The first one I am posting is...


~The Status of Life~

The inside is the outside of my heart, but not of my mind.
The status takes place at the end of my lifetime.
Outside in the cold, I wander around my soul, and I beg to be let into the places inbetween this life and my other life.
Circling and engaging in activities that seem to make me more mad than happy, and engaging in services that hurt more than heal.
The inside of my heart is a life that longs for better people and better things, with better days, and higher callings.
Outside of self and outside of mind, I delve deeper into the world than any other situation.
Mimicking the situation that underestimates my abilities, and then takes outside inside and calls it names on an unholy level.
The states of being equal the parts set out and set aside for better lies, and better truths.
This is much more difficult than the mind makes it out to be, or is it that my mind is on track but the heart is leading me astray?
Long live the better days and loving things, that belong to the times that make you see what you need to see.
The inside is the outside, while the outside begs to be taken in, but do not think that the opposite can't be true too.
Breathe in breathe out, take heart and take back.
Input ingenuity, and output failure.
Long live the better days and loving things, that balance the effects of being awake and being bored.
I call this living the life, I call this exciting the image of originality, I call this the end.