I Wish I Was Crucified

"Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favourite wishes every day and death of your whole body in the end submit with every fibre of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in."

                                                                                                                                            ~C.S. Lewis

I Wish I was Crucified

God is the life that I wish to live.

God is the hope that comes forth when I doubt.

God is the answer to my questions.

God is the giver and the one that knows my everything.

At times I wish I would have been the one that was crucified. 

At times I wish I could flood my own life. 

God did it for me, and I am grateful

But at times I wish I was crucified.

God is gracious and merciful.

God gives me the doctrine of substitution. 

God takes my place on the cross

And it was all set in motion when the world began.

I deserve to be crucified 

I deserve to be the sufferer on the wooden planks. 

I deserve to replace God and die with no crown. 

I deserve nothing, but God gives everything.

All I want is to thank you God.

Even though I should be crucified.

All I want is to love you God.

Even though I should be crucified, crucified.

God is the life that I wish to live.

God is the hope that comes forth when I doubt. 

You know that I should be crucified. 

God is the answer to my questions.

God is the giver and the one that knows my everything. 

You know I should be crucified.

Flood my soul

Flood my mind

Flood my being and my life.

I wish I was crucified, but at the same time I am glad I was not.

All I want is to thank you God.

For I am undeserving, yet you give me everything. 

All I want is to love you God.

For I am undeserving

And I am thankful for the ark you provided, so I will never have to be crucified. 

Flood me and cleanse me, wash away the ash, so I will never have to be crucified.

Tear Down and Rebuild

"It all depends on how you look at life. I think positivity and happiness is a choice, and sometimes it is not an easy choice to make."
                                                                       Colleen Ballinger

Tear Down and Rebuild

In that moment, it is the right moment.

In that time, it was the season I believed in.

I was in my world, I was in yours.

I was the man, and you were by my side.

Why am I here now then?

Why is this season the season I must travel in?

Where do I go when it feels like I have no where to go?

Where is the destination I am being taken?

I would really like to know.

I do know that love is worth the heartache and the pain.

And I know that men should be equal even if they are not strong.

I know that when life throws you winter, spring can be found around the corner.

And I know that truth and heart can deliver

and free my aching soul. 

In these moments, I am where I need to be.

In these times, it is the season I believe in.

You are no longer in my world, and I won't be in yours.

I am a man finding out what I believe.

And what do I believe?

I would really like to know.

I do know that we are taken through times when nothing feels safe.

And I know that I sometimes feel insecure.

I know that love will be by my side no matter what the tide.

And I know my mind can be logical when my heart feels fine. 

We all go through seasons in our lives.

We all go through the good, the bad, and the lies.

We all sing and dance when nothing feels right.

I live my life to tear down and rebuild again.

For I know that I still have a positive side.  

Sinner

"Winter's come early this year. Like a bird in the rain I've tortured my everything."
                                  ~Dead Poetic


~Sinner~

I have blood on my hands.
I have ways of making you cry.
I have ways of hurting you.
I have ways of being sly.

I am the tax collector.
I am the doubter.
I am the one who throws the first stone.
I am dead and alive.

Why have I been chosen?
Why have I been loved?
What have I done to deserve this?
I guess someone is bigger than I know.

But I have blood on my hands.
I have doubts and wonder why.
But I have blood on my hands.
I have a winter tainted by the red.

What have I done to deserve grace?
I have done nothing.
What have I done to deserve forgiveness?
Nothing for I have blood on my hands.

I look forward and remember the past.
I embrace my hope on the other side.
I was chosen and I accept.
This winter is not my blood anymore.

I have blood on my hands
But I have a way to wash them clean.
I have blood over me.
But this blood forgives me.