Monday, September 28, 2015

Unashamed Faith and a Fall

"Maybe my faith is found inside a seed. Maybe faith is found inside of me. Mostly I feel like I'm lost at sea. I believe, Lord help my unbelief. I believe you could move this mountain of mine."
                                                                                         ~Jon Foreman

~Unashamed Faith and a Fall~


There are so many rocks stacking up in front of me.
I guess I will climb.
The panic takes my breath.
And I look down to see if anyone is below who will catch me if I continue to climb. 

The struggle can be real
And the struggle can make you  better man.
I wish to be in the struggle, so that I have something to overcome.
I wish to be in the struggle, so that I can fall and climb back up again. 

I am a man who likes to fall.
For every time I fall I learn how to live.
I wish to be like a Paul, a serial killer turned gold. 
I have no desire for the easy way, but for the way where I am unashamed. 

I know a man who is better than me in every way.
He emptied a Holy body to be flesh like me.
Good news was written,
And today his death is the dynamite that can move the mountain I climb. 

I cannot save,
I cannot heal a wound that is deeper than the mind.
I can only teach and hope,
I can only be a man who will learn to pray.

Salvation is a rescue and this rescue is saving from wrath.
The wrath of true love.
A rescue from what I want in my body.
And a guide that shows me what my body really needs. 

I cannot do enough good and find Heaven.
I need a process, an action, a movement of doing, a little thing called faith.
For good works will come with faith.
And anything else is a curse.

We do not earn salvation.
It comes through faith.
Faith keeps me climbing.
And faith keeps me loving.

I seek to climb.
To know that when I fall someone is there to catch me.
I seek to see the mountain and ask it to move.
To blow up expectations and fear the truth. 

Thursday, September 24, 2015

This Old Porch

"Live your life, where you've been, where you're going to. Say goodnight. Say goodnight to the life in the world we live."
                                 ~Lana Del Rey

~This Old Porch~


I sit on this old porch looking back to what I was before.
For who I am now was defined by those moments from my past. 
A melancholy existence, sprinkled with moments of sanguine. 
A cloud covered daily, broken up by streams of sunlight peeking out of the clouds. 

This old chair is getting older.
And this porch doesn't stop aging.
Even though I am young I feel the ache of age in my bones.
And on this old porch I reflect on all that has been me. 

The youth made out of glee.
Having no care in the world.
And the only care being if my school lunch was packed or bought.
The simple times when mom could comfort when you cried.

Today crying becomes a cathartic awakening for growing up.
Today crying is frowned upon by those that claim to be too masculine for such childish things.
Today crying is a symptom of being insecure.
For "real' men do not cry.

Growing up and finding God then losing Him and then running back again.
Making mistakes and taking names.
Learning how to be a good ole boy.
A walk in the park that ultimately leads to this porch.

I think it is easier to reflect than move forward.
I think that our time could be better spent than reminiscing on things I cannot change.
I think life is worth more than this porch.
I think a little reflection didn't kill anyone.

For the past is what made me.
And I am finding that a little bit of closure is needed to move along.
I am finding my mind can cause me to walk while looking back.
And the pain of yesteryear can be used to fuel the being I was made to be. 

I sit on this old porch looking back to what I was before.
For I am defined by what I did last year.
A melancholy existence, dancing with intent.
A cloud covered daily, that one day will be put back together to what it once was. 

Maybe one day someone will be next to me.
On this old porch.
On the bench and not the chair.
For the porch can be used to look forward too. 





Monday, September 21, 2015

A Sense of Urgency

"Saved people this side of Heaven owe the gospel to lost people this side of Hell."
                                                                             ~David Platt




~A Sense of Urgency~

What is inside of our souls?
The eyes of the world are opened or closed to the souls populating the streets.
The kingdom is inside for those that trust in the One.
And it will remain inside until the return of the Son.

We as a kingdom stand so still.

We have the glory yet we do not tell.
We have no sense of urgency,
When forever is beginning now.

Conviction is in us all.

The kingdom rings inside of souls.
Conviction is love.
And we must delve closer to the truth.

Home is the place that we must strive for.

A home of a kingdom coming down.
This world that is in me needs to be projected inside to the outside.
And not kept as a secret for none to find out.

I have ran for many years just to find,

That what I was looking for was inside.
The power of a savior that can make a mountain bow.
The power of His Love to help go out and tell.

I strive for peace and I want that peace on Earth.

It will come one day if you are ready,
But not all will stay.
Many will perish and never see the light of day.

Wolves will be with lambs.

And tigers will let me near.
The threat of an effect will not come.
For peace on Earth begins when you let in the Son.

Children will play in the streets and have no fear.

Fear will be taken out of the picture.
The mystery of a man who loves so much.
Even when his people hurt him everyday. 

True love was out poured freely by a death.

The suffering that was out poured was a gift.
Our own suffering integrates gifts into actions.
And pain creates strength to go out and become what we were meant to be.

Our greatest is our greatest.

And that comes from a wooden death.
A wooden death that created our salvation.
And yet, so many of us sit and refuse to have any sense of urgency to share. 

We dance and we sing in acknowledgment.

Acknowledgement to the love, grace, and punishment laid out for us.
Laid out for us by the Creator of the world.
And that gift is what makes life worth it. 

Forever can and should start now.

My eyes should be open, even when the truth burns them.
For truth is what I have to share.
And truth should not be bottled up for the few.
It needs to be shown and told to those that do not understand what hope truly is. 





Friday, September 18, 2015

Fate is a Choice

Fate is a Choice
"Every day a choice is made. Every day I choose my fate."
                                                                      ~Jon Foreman

~Fate is a Choice~

It is terrible to think that you might not be coming home.
It is a horrible thing to entertain that the road is left so cold.
I watch you walk out that door and I find that it hurts more and more.
Because I have no guarantee that you will be coming back me.

The dirt road has its toil.
The pavement can be cracked.
 My heart has no choice in the matter.
Which type of ground through which you track.

Each day is a new day.
And each day is a new road.
To trust is to know that on that road it is known to go.
It is known to be the one you choose when your eyes open and you see the moon or the sun.

It is terrible to think that the love you gave me may come to nothing.
It is horrible to think that breaking up is not the last goodbye.
I watch you walk out that door and I wonder what other doors you are looking for.
Because I have a door in which you might visit no more.

Is this about a death or break up?
Is it about more than what we have heard?
Is it about the pavement of some back road?
Or is it meant for you to think that life can come even when the pain brings the rain.

These cliches are meant to inspire.
And heartache is meant to show you that the heart can be a liar.
Your head can produce no desire.
Until you look to the sky and realize that we are but a point in the existence unless we look harder.

This is being written to show that not everything has to be a failure.
Even when they walk out that door.
This is being written as a love letter.
To yourself and not to another.

A story that is unfolding right in front of your eyes.
Maybe about a girl who just stole your soul.
Maybe a death of a loved one that has sparked feelings old.
Or maybe an experience of a lifetime that has distributed joy to your soul that you thought was cold.

It is terrible to think that you are never coming back.
It is horrible to realize that feelings mean nothing.
For what counts is truth even when you feel like it is for nothing.
For what counts is a combination of events that fuel more than a fire.

Life is but a road that is chosen every day.
Fate is a choice made by the mind of the heart in each person alive.
Love is more than feelings of attraction and desire.
And the end is but the beginning to all who look for more than air in the sky.



Thursday, September 17, 2015

Do Not Shy Away


~Do Not Shy Away~

Who is my maker?
Who can satisfy my soul?
Who can answer my call?

What brings true love? 
What makes me sing?
What takes my fear today?

Do not shy away from questions.
Do not stop your speech.
Let your voice be heard over and over again.

I am learning how to be saved. 
I am learning about love.
I am learning to never let go of dreams.

I want to take into account loss.
The pain targeted at my spirit and flesh.
I want to take into account One.
And the One who helps me learn to use pain to break clean.

Only One has arms that continue to be wide open.
The maker is the One who makes the blind see.
I run into Him when I have no way.
I run to His arms when things are going right.

By my hands I cannot save.
Only the beginning and the end can.
By my hands I cannot heal.
Only the Maker can take back death.

Right next to me He stands.
Right next to you He is there.
Our Savior became like us.
To get holes in His hands that can be shown to Thomas's like you and me.

How happy are we?
How joyous can we be?
To dance a dance.
To sing a song to sing.

Who is my maker?
What other questions can be asked?
Who was born to us as us?

My Maker is Love.
My Maker is the One.
The One who guides me on land and sea.
My Creator has no equal.
He is my light that let's me be free. 




Wednesday, September 16, 2015

What I was Thinking

"Love uses the pain to drill the holes, that irrigate our dry and thirsty souls."

                                                                                              ~Tim Foreman


What I was Thinking

What was I thinking?
I wasn't now was I?
My mind has seen the longing my heart was supposed to have.

Do I believe in more than what I see?
If I do not, then what was I thinking?

I walk into caves where I do not belong.
I trust more in sinners than most who believe.
For at least they understand and have faith in what they say.

Why do those who believe never show it to those who need to be shown?
They sit at home and wait for something to happen instead of waking up.
What are they thinking?

I know I should keep on thinking.
Even if it is a question or a praise.

Father please forgive my unbelief.
Father help me stand out and go into the caves.
To cause a ripple effect to travel like a Mass Effect. 

I need to trek to the places where I do no belong. 
To show the truth to others.
Instead of sitting down and refusing to go out and share.

I may die in the caves. 
I may find pain.
I welcome the challenge because pain breeds life in my lungs whether I live or die. 

I am learning to find love in the pain.
I am finding hope in faith.
I am finding peace in death.

My heart is beginning to realize that what I see can lead me astray.
My faith is when I am awake. 
For when I am awake I am alert to the unseen truth.

I base my faith on evidence shown to me daily.
It is more than a feeling.
It is more than sitting and doing nothing.

My faith is based off the love that is being awake.
So why don't you wake up and move?
Wake up and examine what you were thinking.

Wake up and do what you are meant to do.
Wake up and service the kinks in the folly that make it to the end.
For in the end no one may become life again. 

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

The Lie of Being Outside

"On the eve of a day that's forgotten and fake, and the trees they await and clouds anticipate, the start of a day when we put on our face. A mask that portrays that we don't need grace. On the eve of a day that is bigger than us, but we open our eyes 'cause we're told that we must."
       
~Twenty-One-Pilots

~The Lie of Being Outside~

When I look out my window I see many things.
I see the grass green and growing.
And it is growing even if I cannot see a physical change in that moment.
When I look out my window I see many things.

I see the sky,
I see the wind even though I am told it is impossible.
I see the waves of sound emanating from every living and non living thing.
I even can see me, standing and walking away from the man inside the house.

This outside is an illusion it is a place devoid of truth.
The inside is what tells the stories.
And the more we go inside,
The more we will find.

That window in front of me is no doorway to a better place.
There is no greener field of flowers over the hill.
There is no peace in a tree.
The tree is there to support a noose.

A noose that hangs every lie being told to children around the world.
That outside is a place where dreams come true.
The broad and the terrible will not bring truth.
It brings sorrow that you can not learn from.

On the inside is where the grass grows.
It is where the seeds take root and becomes what they were made to be.
The inside is the outside for those that believe.
We see the world for what it is and it is a mixed bag of folly.

We were not meant to be of this world.
Our home and destination burns brighter than any sun this universe has to offer. 
The promise of a life without pain.
The promise to be free.

Outside of His arms is a place I do not wish to be.
For inside I am more than free.
I am alive, and being alive makes my eyes see.
I am alive and I wish to dance not for me.

Do not be fooled by the outside.
Look and know that truth comes from the inside.
The inside of arms that were scarred.
Inside of arms that died to set you and me free. 

Monday, September 14, 2015

Staring at the Sun

"I took the fire escape and made it out alive. Yeah, I still burn from time to time, but I've a healing hand against my side."
                                                            ~Relient K


~Staring at the Sun~

To start the day forgiving the sun for not coming up yet.
And at night forgiving it for going away. 
Listening to the light of the day.
And asking for it to stay.  

Hearts are bound inside prisons.
That are sunk below the sea.
Hearts deserve to be set free. 
Even when they must forgive thee.

Looking for dreams to interpret.
Looking for a way to forgive. 
Being scared as life keeps crashing down.
And instead of doubting,  believing that forgiveness will come.  

All the wrongdoings brought before.
Must be forgiven if you are to stand tall.
Not to be better than them.
But to do good by the maker. 
Taking love and giving it away.
 Who do I give it to?
Taking my heart and giving it away.
Who do I bring it to?

Seventy times a day I fail.
Seventy times a day I lie.
Times that by seven equals how much my heart crumbles.
Times that by seven and that is how much flesh I was given to squander. 

But I do not wish these things to be in me or others.
I want to be strong.
I want to love.
I want more than the dark in my eyes. 

Wish the best to those who wronged you.
Do not seek evil or revenge against them.
But weep when they are hurt, and do not be pleased when they fall.
To make things right if possible, and come to them if they need help. 

Looking up to the sky I see the sun staring down.
It makes me clean yet my eyes still burn. 
Taking the pain and staying true to the teachings of love.
To use the sun that I see to forgive the sin against me just as I was forgiven for sinning against you.

For inside your arms you forgave us.
Even if we have no reason to be forgiven.
For inside your abundance I was made clean.
Even if my life has been dirty.

For the dirt can be washed away.
And love can be the water.
Rain fall and help me forgive.
Help me forgive the wrongdoers and love despite the pain.