Past My Soul

"I have long stopped asking why the mad do mad things."
~Constance(AHS)


~Past My Soul~

Sometimes I look at my life and wonder where do I belong?
I look past the narrow and take heart that I am not running alongside the broad.
Sometimes I look at the paths I have chosen and think, "Is it a path at all?"
Feeling insecure and thinking of a fold out map, feeling secure and reading my GPS.

Sometimes it looks as though it hurts to set aside dreams.
Sometimes it looks as though it feels good to take on struggles.

Love makes me reevaluate my life.
Love takes chances on me that I would not take on myself.
Love takes me and breaks me and makes me whole again.

Sometimes I look at my life and wonder where do I belong?
I look past my soul to find what more there is to learn.
Sometimes I look at more than what meets the eye.
Transforming my attitudes into actions suited for a better man than me.

How Deep and How Wide is Love?

"Did you know this house is falling apart, what can I say this house is falling apart? We got no money, but e got heart. We're going to rattle this ghost town!"

 ~Walk the Moon


~How Deep and How Wide is Love?~


The gap is closing.
The opportunity is falling all around me.
My chance at redemption is slipping through my fingers.
My courage is wavering and my resolve is weakening.

"Today is my day." I said.
Then the day came and the day went.
I was told to go, to jump, and to land.
I was told I could move a mountain.

"This week is my week." I said.
Then the week came and the week went.
I told myself that I would make up for not seizing the other day.
I told myself I could do it my way.

I was thinking that my strength was enough.
I was thinking that by my hands I could be healed.
I was thinking I would rely in myself with skyscraper faith..
I was thinking about doing something better.

The gap closed.
The opportunity fell around me.
My chance at redemption slipped through my fingers.
My courage wavered and my resolve died.

Perspective and reliance comes from hindsight.
Looking back and seeing the failures of a child.
Looking back and remembering how I came into being in the first place.
Perspective is a mirror that can see what should have been.
How deep and how wide is the love?
I should of found out.

When I was Young

You think you know me so well. You think I’d purchase what you sell, pickled in your private hell. I will scream and I will yell. ~Max Bemis (Say Anything)

~When I was Young~

When I was young the world was so large. 

Every flower was new.

Every smell filled my lungs with joy. 

God was one prayer away.

And his love was mostly shown through the prayers of loved ones. 

Day by day I lived carelessly knowing I was safe from harm.

To be so young,

To feel as I did would be a wonderful thing to feel again.

My Cheesy Video Game Poem

“Video games are bad for you? That's what they said about rock n' roll.”
― Shigeru Miyamoto

~My Cheesy Video Game Poem~

Environments fly past me with unrivaled force.
Desserts, oceans, and forests take me away from reality and into worlds I could otherwise not be part of.
Virtual worlds and virtual emotion shine light on things I could never fully explore.
And I even can rescue a Princess when I am bored.

When  a movie does not satisfy, or a book not interactive enough,
I let my mind dive into the space of polygons and shaders that make a beautiful face.
If I want power I play with my mouse and keys, if I want to lay down and relax a controller is in my hands.
Power does not make a game good, but the how the game is played.

Environments fly past me with unrivaled force.
While the big three fight and snarl,
I enjoy all three as well as my PC.

I Dropped a Pin One Day

"Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty."

- Mother Teresa

~I Dropped a Pin One Day~

I dropped a pin one day.

The next day I picked it up.

It was a single drop of a single object.

Because of this I picked it up.

That was the day a soul fell apart.

The next day I helped pick it up.

It was a single person with a single soul.

Because of this I picked it up.

I dropped two pins one day.

The next day I picked them up.

It was two drops of two objects.

Because of this I picked them up.

That was the day two souls fell apart.

The next day I helped pick them up.

It was  two people with two souls.

Because of this I picked them up.

This pattern went on and on.

The pins would fall.

I would pick them up.

Souls would fall apart.

I would pick them up.

Until the souls no longer fell and the pins no longer dropped.

The pins the souls they stopped dropping at the number 33.

I dropped a pin one day.

The next day I did not pick it up.

It was a single drop of a single object.

Because of this I did not pick it up.

That was the day I fell apart.

The next day no one picked me up.

Because of this no more pins would drop.

Because of this those around fell apart. 

The next city over Lacie dropped a pin.

That same day she picked it up.

Maybe she wont fall one day?

The Carnival

I wrote this one awhile ago while going through a rough time.

It turns out you were into yourself. It turns out you could f**k your way out. Just once more for my baby girl. ~Lydia

~The Carnival~ 

Enter for the chance to win a prize.
The prize today is a broken heart, but tomorrow the prize is misery.
Sweet candy and caramel corn the carnival is in full swing.
Entering into madame Clarice's she tells me to sit down and play her little game.
"Enter for the chance to win a prize my dear. The prize today is a broken heart, but tomorrow the prize is misery.
If you feel like leaving you cannot you must play and you will always win."

A week later the carnival was still sweet and it was still swinging.
Another victim comes into the game, and this victim is still me after last weeks life changing day.
She looked me in the eye and said,
"Welcome my dear. Wont you sit down and play?
Enter for the chance to win a prize.
The prize for today is a bitter day, but tomorrow the prize is no more day.
Come in and play my little game.
Once you enter you must stay.
You will play my little game.
You will play and you will win.
Thank God you came today."

Trouble Finds Me

~Trouble Finds Me~

Trouble finds its way into the depths of my soul.

It devours my line of sight.

It takes out my defenses and forces me to go underground.

Concepts of fear and loathing defends my right to make mistakes.

Concepts of hope and strength declare my right to fight on.

Trouble finds its way into the depth of my soil.

It roots and grows until it blossoms into dreams that I somehow always burn. 

It grows into weeds and sometimes the weeds are more beautiful than the flower.

Concepts of fear and loathing defends my right to an honorable death.

Concepts of hope and strength declare my right to live with strength.

We are not the high and mighty.

We are not the Lords of our worlds.

We are not kings and queens.

For our God made himself small.

For our God made a way for me to no longer live for myself.

We are the sons and daughters.

We are the children of the high and mighty.

We are the children of the Lord of our worlds.

We are the children of the King.

Trouble finds its way into the depths of me.

Fear, loathing, hope, and strength.

Living, dying, mistakes, and the fight.

All of it makes up us.

All of it makes up this thing called life.