So Far Things Seem to be Working Out

"Awake in this cold cell I, I just hope you're happy
Awake in this cold cell I break my body against the wall
Awake in this cold cell... I am my only devil
Why can't I be you and put those hands away
I go through this everyday"

                                                          ~Further Seems Forever

So Far Things Seem to be Working Out

I am bound by flesh. 

I am a faker

I am a phony

I am a hypocrite.

My life is bound by human desire. 

Taken from my eyes,  to my head,  and never my heart. 

I listen to my own understanding. 

I listen to me,  myself,  and I.

So far things seem to working out. 

I am a man with minimal struggle. 

And minimal success. 

I am getting by and that's okay.

Some man behind a pulpit keeps telling me to pray. 

He keeps telling me this Jesus is the only way. 

Well, that is all fine and dandy.

Hell seems far more fun than those clouds you claim as free. 

I am bound by flesh. 

I am a faker. 

I am a phony. 

I am a hypocrite.

My life is bound by limited understanding.  

Taken by my world. 

Subjected to death.

Looking through eyes that glass over at night. 

Things are not right. 

My once happy life has taken a turn towards the ground. 

I keep having this nagging feeling and pulling around my chest. 

Something seems missing.

Some man behind the pulpit tells me I need to fill this feeling. 

I tried to do so. 

Philosophy,  education,  I tried it all. 

But all the knowledge in my head does not seem to seep into my chest. 

I am bound by flesh. 

I am a faker. 

I am a phony. 

I am a hypocrite

.

Today a friend of mine passed away.

He died from a broken heart. 

The surgery did not work. 

Yet,  the man behind the pulpit says he is in a better place.

I am told to fill my life with Jesus and love.

I am told to go and be a light. 

How do I shine when I am dead?

How do I fill up my life with a man I cannot see?

I am bound by flesh. 

I am a faker. 

I am a phony. 

I am a hypocrite.

I guess I am dead. 

My body is in the ground,  yet I am still conscious. 

I look up and I see my friend rejoicing and singing. 

The clouds look more like a city. 

A city that is never lonely.

Down here I am floating.

In a river run by a man causing me to rethink my desires. 

All I wish for now is water. 

All I wish for is another chance to live not for power. 

Not For Me

"We're on your shore again
I can feel the ocean
I can feel your open arms
That pure emotion
I'm finally free again
Like my own explosion
We're on your shore again
I can feel the ocean"
                              ~Switchfoot

~Not For Me~

Can I enter the kingdom if I am just a good person? 

Is my morale compass what will save me? 

Am I too scared to speak the truth, 

Even if it offends?

The gate of religion needs to be torn down. 

The morality compass without God needs to cease.

True life is what I seek. 

Living for my God is how I wish to live. 

My morals could never be perfect. 

I am unworthy of inheriting the other side. 

But I have a hope. 

And I have a savior who let's me be more than what I am. 

My world gets torn apart. 

My world spins to the left and I try and run to the right.  

I wait on a promise. 

I wait and if not now, maybe later.

My faith is being tested when I wait. 

My faith is being stretched and strengthened by my belief. 

I wait on true love to guide my soul. 

I wait on God because I can never do it on my own. 

Bring me peace when I have no more work to give. 

Bring me tears when my heart is hardened. 

Let my eyes become water as the fire burns my calloused soul. 

I offer my faith up to you,  as I did to myself and take up your words as my own.

If I offend let it be. 

If I fail let it be. 

If I must wait let it be. 

But let me see, oh, Lord please let me see. 

Nothing is nothing without you. 

Everything is everything when your around. 

I am yours,  I am yours. 

I am the boat and you are the wind. 

Take my sails where you want them to be. 

Take my life and let me live not by me,  please God not for me. 

Front Lines

"For all we know, these days are all numbered. But things could get better, I know
God, 'cause I'll be the first and the last one to go. Lord, it's a cruel, cruel world without love."

                                                                         ~Further Seems Forever

~Front Lines~

I am on the front lines. 

I am fighting a war on which I know I will win.

I am on the front lines. 

Where are you?

What is this gray area you speak of? 

What is this wishy washy way you have about you? 

I am on the front lines. 

I have made my choice.

What are you choosing? 

What side do you fight for? 

You must choose a side. 

You cannot be in the middle of the battle field. 

I want to live like today is my last.  

I want to be free from the chains that the word has shackled me with. 

I am on the front lines. 

And I  believe. 

I believe in the things unseen. 

I believe in a quiet voice that speaks through the wind. 

I believe in trials that can cleanse. 

I believe in a war that is already won.

Over thinking calloused souls. 

War torn hearts hardened by this world. 

Runners who leave when things get hard. 

A message spoken goes in  in one ear and out the other. 

There is a day coming when you will have no more time to choose.  

At that time you will wish to be free. 

You will wish to take back the cruel words said out of fear.  

There is a day coming when the new world will not be yours.

I am on the front lines. 

I am fighting a war of the heart,  mind and soul. 

My life is not easy and it never will be.  

My life is fulfilling even in the trials and the pain. 

Hypocrites and Pharisees

"This paper posed as photographs. This promise snapped with time elapsed. You think you do, but you don't know me at all. Last chance to find what we believe. I hope you save those you've deceived. You think you do, but you don't know me at all"                                                                         ~Sullivan

~Hypocrites and Pharisees~ 

Why do we pray to gain favor from others?

Why do we think our prayers are higher than our brothers?

Hypocrites and Pharisees are to shallow to know. 

Hypocrites and Pharisees are to knowledgeable to truly understand.

How are we praying? 

How are we going about talking to the ruler of this world and the next? 

He knows the heart of his people.

He knows the mind of the individual.

Why do we only pray when it is convenient?

Why do we pray when we are trying to get prideful gain?

Hypocrites and Pharisees are blind to the simple and true.

Hypocrites and Pharisees pray just to hear their own words.

Take this heart and let it be an offering up to thee. 

Take this mind and wash it clean, so I may pray with meaning and with glee. 

I fall short so let it be an offering up to thee.

I fall short so let it be a way to repentance and glee.

All of my words stand before me.

As I pray and ask for Him to take away the pain.

My voice cries out to my maker.

As my eyes become wet and bloods flows through my veins.

I have flesh that follows up on my faults. 

It prevents me from the perfection I wish to achieve.

One day I will be ushered, into eternity.

One day I will be with my King.

But for now here I am on this Earth.

Humbling myself before the throne. 

I do not want to be like the hypocrites and Pharisees.

I do not wish to die with only riches that make me feel alone.

Why do we pray to gain favor from others?

What is the point of shooting our God?

Why do we pray to light fires and burn the ones we love?

What is the point of killing them when they deserve to be saved?

Hypocrites and Pharisees try to save themselves through Religion and spirituality.

They gloat and show how perfect they can be.

They sign their letters they send to men, God.

And  at the bottom the P.S. reads, "Let me take your sins away."

No man can take away sin.

No man can be spiritual enough in this day.

Religion does not have the answer.

Religion is the crutch that people use when they do not know how to pray.

I choose to depend on my maker.

I choose to pray with an attitude that humbles me to Love. 

I choose to live and grow based on the words of God.

I choose to be a real individual and pray, not to impress those around me.

But to pray my sins and doubts away.

Giving it All Away

"These bones are like maps and keys, where they took their hits, and they felt those teeth. There's a story hidden underneath. If you dig in deep, will you find relief?"

                                                                                              ~Dashboard Confessional

~Giving it All Away~

Everything I have I give it all away.

The world wants and wants.

It wants what will destroy it. 

Everything I have I give it all away.

Break my heart and make me whole.

Break my spirit and give me life.

Break me down and show me a way.

Break me down to pieces and reconstruct me today.

What is the will in the world?

What desires do they cherish?

Riches, sex, and pride.

What is the will of this world?

I wish to understand more and more everyday.

Let me learn to love the loveless and hope for the hopeless.

I do not want the material this place has to offer.

I want riches of the spiritual, the ones that will last.

What are the priorities you keep?

What do you model for the ones around?

Is it filled with things made out of gold?

Or is it filled with the love that will save your soul?

Even if this world is against me.

Even if they do not agree,

I will love them anyway.

For love may light their way.

What does this world cherish?

What do they think will save their lives?

How does a church treat those around.

Do they only feed the poor for a spotlight?

Does happiness save you?

Does sex save you?

Does pleasure not last for only a moment?

What does the world lean on?

I give it all to you. 

With all that I have, nothing compares to your love. 

Everything I have I offer it up. 

My spirit will turn to ash unless I rely on love and not this world.

Everything I have I give it all away.

Lead me and teach me.

Help me lean on you.

Let me love you just an ounce of how much you love me.

Help me be more like you.

Orchestrating my Life

"Two blackbirds on a highway sign
Are laughing at me at four in the morning
They played the war drum out of time
So I'm not sure where I've been marching
I wanna be strong, but it's not easy anymore
I'm hoping I'm wrong." 
                                       ~ The Wonder Years


~Orchestrating my Life~

Here I am, a piano constantly playing in my head.
Am I alright, am I going to make it out alive?
Here I am, a drum beating to the rhythm of my heart.
Am I alright, am I going to make it out alive.

This is the way my mind devours the thoughts that enter it.
This is the way my body tells me something is wrong. 
This is the way I feel, when coming home from work at night.
The day will bring the day and the night will bring the morning.

It is 3 A.M. and I am up staring at the wall.
Pondering if I messed up?
Here I am dissecting the potency of my life's trajectory.
Too cold for a blanket, and the thermostat can't go any higher.
Personally, I would just like someone to hold.

Here I am the symphony of waves crashing into my ears.
Am I alright, am I going to make it out alive?
Here I am a steady stream of strings serenading my soul.
Am I alright, am I going to make it out alive? 

This is the way the call has depleted my strength.
This is the way my legs decide to buckle.
This is the way I feel, when coming back on a Sunday afternoon.
The day will bring the day and the night will bring the morning.

The night brings too much time to think.
The dark takes hold and ushers in over-thinking.
Is the water still flowing from the sink,
Where I get the drink to try and overcome my restless soul? 
Personally, I would rather have someone to hold.

Did I do something to deserve this loss?
Did the sunrise forget the wind?
Did the sunset forget its colors?
Did the night sky forget to tell my story?
Did I forget to thank the stars?
Did this world decide to play a cosmic joke?

This is the moment where precipitation falls in a movie.
This is the moment where the band plays a c-minor.
This is the way a story is supposed to unfold.
The day will bring the day and night will bring the morning.

I long for understanding.
I long for solitude from my own mind.
I long for this mini pity party to end.
The pathetic nature of my own personal worlds' smallest violin.

Strength and courage are a luxury to me.
Trying and failing feels like the norm.
The bad days seem to outweigh the good, even if I do not feel sad.
For hope only takes me so far.

But I still pray for a day where my hope pays off.
A day that does not forget to bring colors to the sky.
I pray for a night that is filled with star light.
A night that shows me signs to illuminate my way. 

All I want is someone to talk to at times like these.
A person who is there for me and I can be there for them.
A person to help transform and reform the matters of the heart. 
Personally, I would just like someone to hold.
Personally, I would just like someone to love. 

Torches Meet Joy...Joy Meet Torches

"Let's set this city ablaze.We'll burn down the monuments and build mountains in our place.
We could see everything. We could start a fire and all shine in it's light. Shine so bright we burn in eyes and heal the stories ending. this is the last time we will ever bleed to feel alive."
                                                                                                    ~Further Seems Forever
 

Torches Meet Joy...Joy Meet Torches

I am not defeated.

I am not the one who will lose.

I have a hope,

And I am sticking with it.

In this world we will have hardships.

In this world some will not like you.

Times may not be kind,

But loves' words still rings true.

May joy be in our hearts.

And let our voices rise up and sing of glory.

Let the music play the songs of Heaven.

And may our lives reflect the love shown to us by the one and true.

I am not to be taken down.

I am to stand strong.

I am not to wobble to the floor.

And I will not be shaken.

For God is above all that we are.

For God delivers joy.

Happiness will never do.

For happiness is determined by happenstance.

It is time to lay down our pride and be humble.

It is time to strike a match and light up this world.

I want to start a fire that lights up this place.

I want to burn down the hypocrites and force them to be real.

When did hope become a luxury?

When did this world rob us of our joy?

Take up the torch and burn down the unkind heart.

Use the fire to illuminate the dark that has taken over the city.

I am not defeated.

I am not the one who will lose.

Take up the torch and burn bright for joy.

Take up the torch and show the world what joy really means.