A Teenage Vantage

"The speaker in this door is blown out, so nothing sounds right. Taking my time, taking this drive, waving this town goodbye."
                                 ~Dashboard Confessional

~A Teenage Vantage~

A teenage vantage on a Midwest night.
Being older than those times, yet feeling obliged.
When your years have passed, and a crush has entered your mind.
Maturity can be gained, but crushes stay the same.

I wake up and realize I had a dream that is lingering.
It is a dream where I thought of her name.
I breathe in to start my day
And reflect on what will happen if I stay.

Hoping and praying for a chance meeting.
The dream infecting every thought I am thinking.
As I drive and sing songs that remind me of our first introduction.
And I smile at the thought of this memory past.

The only problem I have come to find,
Is a problem that is not life or death.
A problem that goes back to teenage angst.
A problem brought on by taste.

Why do I fall for country music girls?

A teenage vantage downtown in winter months.
Being older than those times, yet wanting more.
When years have gone by and the day stands still.
Hoping and praying for a chance meeting.

When the heart sings to close.
The mind wondering, what if?
Building the friend and wishing to keep it.
Even if a relationship fails to fit.

The only problem I have come to find,
Is a problem that is petty and serious.
A problem that goes beyond old teenage angst.
A problem that presses forward to my particular tastes.

Why do I always fall for country music girls?
Why is it the twang that catches their ears?
Why do I fall for girls that sing the songs that I loathe?
Why do I fall for country music girls?

A teenage vantage,
And a teenage point of view.
Narrow and closed in.
Yet, I still wonder why...

Why I fall for country music girls.
Why do I fall at the most inopportune times?

Is it Okay to be This Small?

~Is it Okay to be This Small?~

I am a blip in the existence of the universe.

I am small even on Earth.

Yet, you love me.

Yet, you listen.

I lay on my back and look at the stars.

I see the beauty and majesty.

A galaxy that could be out to get me.

A galaxy filled with people I love.

Don't forget Love will find you.

It seeks you out and asks to be let in.

It comes to you even in this world so big.

Even in our mistakes and demons.

The cosmos spinning and dancing.

The dance of the heavens.

Spinning around and around.

Like a woman dancing on her wedding day.

I sow and wear the fig leaves to hide from Love.

I run to be lost even when I want to be found.

In this universe so large.

In this heart I wish I could save.

Love died to be alive again.

To save what I can't save.

In this town where I am so small.

In my room where I feel smaller.

When you love somebody let them know.

When you depart for a long trip don't hesitate to call.

You may be miles away, but we can be connected by love.

Believing that this universe is smaller than we think. 

If I feel small, why do I look at the stars?

If the universe is so large, why do I search for it?

Because my faith is more than this world.

My faith is in Love that saved me. 

I am a blip in the existence of the universe.

I am small even on Earth.

Yet, you listen.

Yet, you love me.

The Comfort of Anxiety

 "Nothing in the affairs of men is worthy of great anxiety."

                                                                         ~ Plato

~ The Comfort of Anxiety ~

If I saw the maker face to face what would I ask?
Would I fall at His feet?
What desire or need would I ask on bent knee?
Would I ask anything at all? 

On my back I carry many things.
I carry the insecurities that I call strength.
I carry my doubt.
I carry my mind and my heart as they battle for top billing on my back. 

If I saw the maker what would I be willing to give to Him?
What confession would I give Him to help lighten the load?
Would I give Him anything?
For if I gave Him something would I miss it? 

Would I miss the comfort of my anxiety?
Would I cry over my depression?
Are my wounds friends that I wear proudly?
Am I a blind man begging to see.  

I have denied more than three times.
It was at least four or five.
I have inflicted more lashes on your back than forty.
I have put you to death despite of grace.  

I have crucified you more times than I can count. 
So if I was before you what would I do?
I hope that I would thank you.
I hope that I would let you take the bags I have placed on my back. 

What if I saw the maker face to face?
What if I was actually courageous?
What if I was not afraid to see?
Would I let you take the fear right out of me?

Sing

"Sing with your head up, with your eyes closed. Not because you love the song because you love to sing."                                                                                                           ~Copeland

~Sing~

Nighttime escapades down at the local bar. 

Every night the same story the same tune.

Singing for all the wrong reasons.

Because she doesn't know what she should be singing for.

Desires to run free from the pain.

Desires to be truly known by another.

Tears that fall once she arrives home.

For her home is not her home and her song is not her song.

A man leaves a trisk in the night of hotel lives.

Every night the same story the same tune

Looking for happiness instead of joy.

Because he doesn't know that joy is what he is looking for. 

Desires to be free.

Desires to understand the plea.

Tears fall once he arrives home.

For his home is not his home and his song is not his song.

Two legs to stand on.

One mouth and one tongue to speak.

One heart and mind to reason and lie.

Two ears to place the world where you think it should be.

Desires to run free from pain.

Desires to be free.

Tears that fall once you are alone.

Because you don't know where your strength can come from.

Hitting the floor and looking for a way out.

The hurt that fakes its own death.

Trying to persuade you into deeper darker things.

When all you truly need to do is sing.

Looking for a song to replace the hurt.

Looking for a voice to use when downtrodden is your heart.

Taking a step forward and not taking one back.

This world is not fair so sing a song back.

Silent Men

"I found a love in me I always knew that existed. It just needed to be set free." 

                                                                                          ~Relient K

~Silent Men~

Silent men coming into view.
Clasping to breath to hear.
Clenching fists and closing eyes.
Anger deployed towards those who may or may not deserve it.

 

Crushing blows and bloodied fists.
Scorn laden on your face.
Condemning yourself for your actions.
Beautiful agony on display. 

Planned suffering.
Planned ordinance.
Trusting in blood.
Trusting in the sorrow for sorrow. 

Cuts on your fists.
Blood from another.
Walking back to where you were.
Men besting themselves and others.

 

Basins laid out for the washing of hands.
Water poured out to clean dusty feet.
Mistaken thoughts and words during a journey being made worse.
Are you allowed to start fresh? 

Silent men coming into view. 
And they wish to start brand new.
Guilty yet forgiven. 
Cuts and bruises are nothing compared to blood and wine.

With the old of new coming back to save and wash away. 

The World's gods Before Me

Almost every time we tell a lie it is fear based.
                                     ~Jeremy Rapp

~The World's gods Before Me~

Who among us deserves life everlasting?

How many of us do enough good to become a sinless answer?

Can we be perfect, so that out lives can mean something?

Who among us deserves to be forgiven?

I deserve to be blind for three days.

I deserve to be blinded for longer.

I deserve to be crucified once.

I deserve to be crucified twice.

Who among us has the answers?

How many men have come up with a sinful answer?

Can we enter into the gates with someone else?

Who among us deserves gold and a helping hand?

I deserve to be shipwrecked.

I deserve to drown in the fears of men.

I deserve to go hungry.

I deserve for God to not get me through. 

The Maker puts us into situations that are hard.

The Master puts us into places that are unclean.

He has us destroy the semblance of a comfort zone.

Before we go out into our days.

Is it not amazing He speaks to is at all?

Is it not incredible that He guides us?

He puts into these situations yet He stays near.

I don't even deserve that.

There is a way for me to enter into the gate.

And it is not living in the middle gray.

It is to cast aside all of my firsts.

And replace it with God first.

  

Do I take the gifts given to me and use them for Love?

Or do I take them and spit in the face of the one who blessed me?

Do I put anything above the Maker?

Or do I rely on Love more than anything else?

Who among us deserves eternal life?

Well no one really. 

Who among us deserves to be forgiven?

Not a single man or woman.

But you know what?

Faith in our creator can give us eternity.

Listening to the call will forgive us.

His grace is enough to set his people free. 

I don't deserve anything.

I don't deserve to be living. 

But I have breath because I believe.

And I will continue to live if I can cast aside this world's gods for the one who made me.