The World's gods Before Me

Almost every time we tell a lie it is fear based.
                                     ~Jeremy Rapp

~The World's gods Before Me~

Who among us deserves life everlasting?

How many of us do enough good to become a sinless answer?

Can we be perfect, so that out lives can mean something?

Who among us deserves to be forgiven?

I deserve to be blind for three days.

I deserve to be blinded for longer.

I deserve to be crucified once.

I deserve to be crucified twice.

Who among us has the answers?

How many men have come up with a sinful answer?

Can we enter into the gates with someone else?

Who among us deserves gold and a helping hand?

I deserve to be shipwrecked.

I deserve to drown in the fears of men.

I deserve to go hungry.

I deserve for God to not get me through. 

The Maker puts us into situations that are hard.

The Master puts us into places that are unclean.

He has us destroy the semblance of a comfort zone.

Before we go out into our days.

Is it not amazing He speaks to is at all?

Is it not incredible that He guides us?

He puts into these situations yet He stays near.

I don't even deserve that.

There is a way for me to enter into the gate.

And it is not living in the middle gray.

It is to cast aside all of my firsts.

And replace it with God first.

  

Do I take the gifts given to me and use them for Love?

Or do I take them and spit in the face of the one who blessed me?

Do I put anything above the Maker?

Or do I rely on Love more than anything else?

Who among us deserves eternal life?

Well no one really. 

Who among us deserves to be forgiven?

Not a single man or woman.

But you know what?

Faith in our creator can give us eternity.

Listening to the call will forgive us.

His grace is enough to set his people free. 

I don't deserve anything.

I don't deserve to be living. 

But I have breath because I believe.

And I will continue to live if I can cast aside this world's gods for the one who made me. 

What I was Thinking

"Love uses the pain to drill the holes, that irrigate our dry and thirsty souls."

                                                                                              ~Tim Foreman

What I was Thinking

What was I thinking?

I wasn't now was I?

My mind has seen the longing my heart was supposed to have.

Do I believe in more than what I see?

If I do not, then what was I thinking?

I walk into caves where I do not belong.

I trust more in sinners than most who believe.

For at least they understand and have faith in what they say.

Why do those who believe never show it to those who need to be shown?

They sit at home and wait for something to happen instead of waking up.

What are they thinking?

I know I should keep on thinking.

Even if it is a question or a praise.

Father please forgive my unbelief.

Father help me stand out and go into the caves.

To cause a ripple effect to travel like a Mass Effect. 

I need to trek to the places where I do no belong. 

To show the truth to others.

Instead of sitting down and refusing to go out and share.

I may die in the caves. 

I may find pain.

I welcome the challenge because pain breeds life in my lungs whether I live or die. 

I am learning to find love in the pain.

I am finding hope in faith.

I am finding peace in death.

My heart is beginning to realize that what I see can lead me astray.

My faith is when I am awake. 

For when I am awake I am alert to the unseen truth.

I base my faith on evidence shown to me daily.

It is more than a feeling.

It is more than sitting and doing nothing.

My faith is based off the love that is being awake.

So why don't you wake up and move?

Wake up and examine what you were thinking.

Wake up and do what you are meant to do.

Wake up and service the kinks in the folly that make it to the end.

For in the end no one may become life again. 

I Wonder What it is Means to Walk?

"Free, come set me free, down on my knees. I still believe you can save me from me. Come set me free. Inside this shell there's a prison cell."
                                                                                ~Switchfoot

I Wonder What it is Means to Walk?

A free fall lifestyle.

When you dive into the air without a parachute.

When you jump into what you know to be wrong.

Instead of jumping with a friend who shows you what freedom really can be.

Denying what I know to be true and running to the wrong side. 

Being a slave to those around me and living a life I wish to never lead.

Crippled and falling down.

Broken and seeing lights fill up my eyes, filling up the skies.

Plans are in motion.

They will be executed.

They will go one of two ways.

They will become more than what they are, or fall short.

I want to believe in a world where pain does not exist.

I want to believe in a hope that is tangible and true.

To lift up my head and know I have arrived.

To forgive myself for what I have done.

What does it mean for someone to come alive?

What does it mean when a cripple walks again?

I can never raise myself from the dead.

My strength is not sufficient enough.

Many try to deter your works by putting themselves higher than you.

Your accomplishments are not good enough for any of them.

But do not stop.

For good works should not be done for your glory but for home.

I believe in the possibilities of Love.

I believe in truth and hope.

I believe that this world is not my home.

I believe in the miraculous because I was lost and now I have a goal.

A blip in reality.

Minuscule to those around me.

Yet I can be free.

For the everything loves me. 

There are days I deny all I hold true.

There are days where I live for my own and not for the end.

There are days when hope seems like a distant memory.

But then I come back and realize I was once crippled and now I am free. 

My Personal Psalm

“Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” that is,“My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?”

                                                                     ~Matthew 26:46b 

~My Personal Psalm~

What does it look like when you love and the world hates?

What does it look like when the change is a change for the suffering?

The world tears down the loving because it hates the one who shows true love.

This world is not my own.

This world is only temporary.

This world will hurt you just because we know the truth.

Not everyone will like you.

Not everyone will want to know you.

But stay strong, walk the path and love.

Those around want to avoid the truth. 

They want the easy and the fast.

They want the quick fix for this world and this world alone.

This world is not my home, my home begins when I die.  

My treasure is on the other side.

My treasure begins on the rocky and narrow.

I do not want a cookie cutter life.

I do not want the easy way out.

I want the love of a Savior even when I think He is gone.

God I cry out to you.

Give me life in this world where I live.

God I cry out to you.

My knees are on the ground.

My eyes are to the sky.

But my heart is cold.

God I cry out to you.

I wish I knew more.

God I cry out to you.

My head tells me you forsake me.

My ears do not hear.

God why do I feel nothing all the time?

I weep as I sit alone.

I weep as I try to serve.

I am wounded because I do not feel you.

This war is made up of many battles.

This war, thank God, is already won.

But this war takes a toll on my soul.

This world does not belong to me.

I am just living in it with others. 

We do not belong here.

Break me and let me know you.

Hurt me so I understand compassion.

God please let me see you again.

This world is built on vanity.

It is built on meaningless pleasure.

This world is what my sin wants.

I give in to many times.

I give in when I know it is wrong.

I give in, God help me fix my eyes on you.

What does it look like to love what the world hates? 

It hurts,

It stings,

It destroys my understandings.

What does it look like to love what the world hates?

It brings hope it.

It brings love.

It brings understanding.

What does it look like to love God?

It looks like the end of an age.

An end of humanity.

A beginning that will last forever.

An end to this world and a focus on what is to come.

This world is not my own

Even when I feel alone.

God I weep,

God I try,

God take me, let me know you are here.

This world is not my home

This world is broken.

I am broken.

I am a faith based lover

Known to my soul as a believer in more than myself.

Not everyone will like you.

Not everyone will like me.

But I will love them not matter the circumstances.

Even when my world has fallen apart.

Do We Live for the Proper Reason?

"So choose your last words, this is the last timeCause you and I, we were born to die." ~Lana Del Rey

Do We Live for the Proper Reason?

Born to live does not seem correct to me.

Being born to live seems like a poor way to live. 

Born to suffer, born to work, born to find love sounds like a better option to me.

We go through life wanting to live.

We want the materials to keep us filled.

Happiness is not connected to this life.

It is connected to the eternal death.

Born to love.

Born to die.

Being born to live does not sound good to me.

A child is alive and they live to die. 

A child shows us what joy is all about.

A child's light is brighter than any cynic we call an adult.

A child knows no bounds and dives in with trust and love.

This life is not our life.

This world is not our home.

Our home is on the other side, so live to die.

Children laugh and children cry.

Children are gifts that show us how we once were.

Dedicate your children with truth.

Dedicate your children, so they may grow and tell the truth as they live for the other side.

I believe in love.

I believe in birth and resurrection. 

I believe in lost causes being shown the way through children's eyes.

We are all born, we all will die.

We do not all live. 

We go through life sitting down and not running forward. 

Get up be a child and lose your life in truth, in love, in a child's eye.

We need to live to learn to die. 

But traditional living will not do.

My living will be one that is focused on my death. 

Focused on love, on lost souls, on living by doubting doubts.

Pray and be still.

Pray for your soul.

And look at life with child's eyes.

Go out to battle and die in the proper fashion. 

With hope in your eyes and love in your heart.

Doubt your doubts and live with the other side in mind.

What a Strange Question

"We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same"
                ~Anne Frank

~What a Strange Question~

Are we good?

Are we good when we are born?

Are we good as we grow?

I do not think so.

We are broken hearted people.

We are sinners to the core.

Our lives are handed to us when we are born.

Out bodies are dead the moment we first breathe.

We are rooted to this world before we learn to speak.

We travel in the dark.

We travel into the shadows .

We try to navigate based on ourselves and we fail...most of the time.

Ultimately we do not deserve life or love.

We do not think we need to seek out something different. 

Even when our insides are screaming for second life.

Even when we have the moments where we feel no hole but are just living.

I know there must be something more.

I know there must be something worth fighting for.

I know my insides could be brought to life. 

I know it is easier to doubt than to believe.

Are we good?

What a strange question.

Do we deserve love?

Do we deserve the sacrifice?

Are we good?