Right in Front of Me

~Right in Front of Me~

If I was a man, would I be rich? 

If I was a man, would I be poor? 

If I had a place to be after this world where would I be? 

Heaven or Hell?

I see scars on wrists. 

I see holes in feet. 

I feel more than blood running down my arm. 

I feel more than sweat beeding on my neck.

Can I have a drop of water? 

Can I latch onto my wife and go to the gates? 

Can I use her as a surrogate to enter the Kingdom?

I thought I was good, I thought that was enough.

That man over there he was a murderer, I understand him. 

That lady on my right raped a boy I understand that. 

That one to my left stole cheated lied and died. 

I understand that.

Please, let me in. 

I worked towards a goal. 

I treated them with respect. 

Yet, here I am burning, dying and not dying.

In denial and loving it does not receive.  

When the truth is right in front of you and you deny. 

Attempting to justify sin by calling it shaming. 

Attempting to justify sin by saying that it is the social norm.

It is easy to be good and then die in sin. 

It is easy to run to people's beds and end up not understanding what went wrong. 

Not one of us is worthy. 

But those that accept the ancient teaching understand more.

If I was a man, would it be okay to rape and murder? 

If I was a man,  would it be okay to see if I have blood in my wrists? 

If I was a man,  would it be okay if I lived to be good and to always get my way? 

If I was a man, couldn't I listen and receive that truth that was always right in front of me?

Stop Playing the Game

"Your eyes are closed when you're prayin.' You sing out aloud with the band. You shine up your shoes for services. There's blood on your hands. You turned your back on the homeless, and the ones that don't fit in your plan. Quit playin' religion games there's blood on your hands." 

                                                ~Jon Foreman

Blood has been shed.

It has been shed for you and for me.  

A real sacrifice for the real lost. 

A real death for real love.

And what am I doing about it?  

Am I condemning those that need help?

Do I grasp onto religion and ignore the poor? 

These games we play destroy the love we need to show to all. 

On the side of the road there is a man who longs for freedom. 

In the parking lot people gather to just feel something.  

The hotel is full of beings trying to fill a whole that was never there. 

And in the office there is a man who lost it all and when he hits the floor it is done. 

And there you are sitting in a pew watching it go down.

You are saying,  "Look at me,  I am good.  I am doing my religious duty." 

And there you are hearing the pleas. 

As you drive by to go gorge yourself on food and drink. 

You are perfect in every way.

You go to church and claim to pray. 

You lift your hands and surrender to yourself. 

But those around see it as a man surrendering to God.

You sit down after the song and listen like a good boy.  

You hear the words and then go about your day. 

When someone asks what you believe you think and say, "I believe in Love." 

But you do not think about God until you break the plane of that Church again on Sunday.

You are the perfect Christian in the eyes of you. 

You help the church by complaining about the lights being too bright.

You help by saying the music is not self fulfilling enough. 

You help be walking in the door.

Me, me, me, you sing, as you sing, as you sing.

I wish, I wish, I wish,  they sing, as they sing, as they sing. 

Food, shelter, clothes, I wish, I wish, I wish. 

As they sing,  outside your neighborhood watching you be perfect day in and day out.

Blood has been shed. 

By my savior and in the church. 

His blood does good yours is full of venom. 

Blood has been shed.

What are we doing for the one who died? 

Are we playing a game? 

Or are we practicing what we are praying? 

What are we doing for the one we claim to love.

If we love him we should be like him. 

If we love him pray and actually pray. 

Sing and actually sing. 

Leave church and practice what you have heard. 

You will go against the grain of this world. 

You will be mocked and hurt. 

You will swim up a stream. 

Who cares, love anyway and and never cease to do and pray. 

My Personal Psalm

“Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” that is,“My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?”

                                                                     ~Matthew 26:46b 

~My Personal Psalm~

What does it look like when you love and the world hates?

What does it look like when the change is a change for the suffering?

The world tears down the loving because it hates the one who shows true love.

This world is not my own.

This world is only temporary.

This world will hurt you just because we know the truth.

Not everyone will like you.

Not everyone will want to know you.

But stay strong, walk the path and love.

Those around want to avoid the truth. 

They want the easy and the fast.

They want the quick fix for this world and this world alone.

This world is not my home, my home begins when I die.  

My treasure is on the other side.

My treasure begins on the rocky and narrow.

I do not want a cookie cutter life.

I do not want the easy way out.

I want the love of a Savior even when I think He is gone.

God I cry out to you.

Give me life in this world where I live.

God I cry out to you.

My knees are on the ground.

My eyes are to the sky.

But my heart is cold.

God I cry out to you.

I wish I knew more.

God I cry out to you.

My head tells me you forsake me.

My ears do not hear.

God why do I feel nothing all the time?

I weep as I sit alone.

I weep as I try to serve.

I am wounded because I do not feel you.

This war is made up of many battles.

This war, thank God, is already won.

But this war takes a toll on my soul.

This world does not belong to me.

I am just living in it with others. 

We do not belong here.

Break me and let me know you.

Hurt me so I understand compassion.

God please let me see you again.

This world is built on vanity.

It is built on meaningless pleasure.

This world is what my sin wants.

I give in to many times.

I give in when I know it is wrong.

I give in, God help me fix my eyes on you.

What does it look like to love what the world hates? 

It hurts,

It stings,

It destroys my understandings.

What does it look like to love what the world hates?

It brings hope it.

It brings love.

It brings understanding.

What does it look like to love God?

It looks like the end of an age.

An end of humanity.

A beginning that will last forever.

An end to this world and a focus on what is to come.

This world is not my own

Even when I feel alone.

God I weep,

God I try,

God take me, let me know you are here.

This world is not my home

This world is broken.

I am broken.

I am a faith based lover

Known to my soul as a believer in more than myself.

Not everyone will like you.

Not everyone will like me.

But I will love them not matter the circumstances.

Even when my world has fallen apart.

What a Strange Question

"We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same"
                ~Anne Frank

~What a Strange Question~

Are we good?

Are we good when we are born?

Are we good as we grow?

I do not think so.

We are broken hearted people.

We are sinners to the core.

Our lives are handed to us when we are born.

Out bodies are dead the moment we first breathe.

We are rooted to this world before we learn to speak.

We travel in the dark.

We travel into the shadows .

We try to navigate based on ourselves and we fail...most of the time.

Ultimately we do not deserve life or love.

We do not think we need to seek out something different. 

Even when our insides are screaming for second life.

Even when we have the moments where we feel no hole but are just living.

I know there must be something more.

I know there must be something worth fighting for.

I know my insides could be brought to life. 

I know it is easier to doubt than to believe.

Are we good?

What a strange question.

Do we deserve love?

Do we deserve the sacrifice?

Are we good?