This Old Porch

"Live your life, where you've been, where you're going to. Say goodnight. Say goodnight to the life in the world we live."
                                 ~Lana Del Rey

~This Old Porch~


I sit on this old porch looking back to what I was before.
For who I am now was defined by those moments from my past. 
A melancholy existence, sprinkled with moments of sanguine. 
A cloud covered daily, broken up by streams of sunlight peeking out of the clouds. 

This old chair is getting older.
And this porch doesn't stop aging.
Even though I am young I feel the ache of age in my bones.
And on this old porch I reflect on all that has been me. 

The youth made out of glee.
Having no care in the world.
And the only care being if my school lunch was packed or bought.
The simple times when mom could comfort when you cried.

Today crying becomes a cathartic awakening for growing up.
Today crying is frowned upon by those that claim to be too masculine for such childish things.
Today crying is a symptom of being insecure.
For "real' men do not cry.

Growing up and finding God then losing Him and then running back again.
Making mistakes and taking names.
Learning how to be a good ole boy.
A walk in the park that ultimately leads to this porch.

I think it is easier to reflect than move forward.
I think that our time could be better spent than reminiscing on things I cannot change.
I think life is worth more than this porch.
I think a little reflection didn't kill anyone.

For the past is what made me.
And I am finding that a little bit of closure is needed to move along.
I am finding my mind can cause me to walk while looking back.
And the pain of yesteryear can be used to fuel the being I was made to be. 

I sit on this old porch looking back to what I was before.
For I am defined by what I did last year.
A melancholy existence, dancing with intent.
A cloud covered daily, that one day will be put back together to what it once was. 

Maybe one day someone will be next to me.
On this old porch.
On the bench and not the chair.
For the porch can be used to look forward too.